What's your favourite movie of all time?
The Matrix - In fact, the entire trilogy. It's a fascinating tale with some interesting twists and observable quirks in human nature.
What three things do you regret not learning to do?
Fly
Weld, and
race motorcars
I've been way from Vox a while. Nothing much to write and no impetus to do so. Not writers block, more like life block. I've been here before and hoped I'd not return, but it seems I'm all too susceptible to the daemon inside my mind.
Have you ever felt it was all too much? 'It' being life....the universe.....everything. Have you ever found yourself contemplating the ultimate escape? I have. Many times. Far too many times. I won't go into what I perceive to be the causal factors, but from an external perspective - the only real way to deal with these feelings - it's an extraordinary experience to watch a human being who feels there's no point in persisting, debating the various ways of ending that persistence.
I hate pain. I won't go if it means pain. I've always thought a bullet would be quick, if not clean. The aim has to be right and a mirror would definitely help. You'd need to blow away the medulla & cerebellum, effectively severing the brainstem. I figure that would take a large calibre bullet and I don't have access to firearms. I could get access, but then there's the fear of pain. Electrocution? Definitely fatal. But the pain aspect again. No, I've decided that if I'm to carry through, it has to be drugs. Nembutal is highly thought of. Nembutal, a Vodka Martini and a nice lie down.
It's bizarre really. I'm two people. The one sitting here typing, enjoying a beer, listening to the Beatles, and the one who constantly runs scenarios and evaluates them. Clearly, I'm not at the irrational "I gotta get outta this place" stage, at least not yet, and I can still remove myself from my mind and look back. I still function day-to-day, going to work (which I loathe with a passion), doing what needs doing and coming home. Eat, sleep and back to it again. Being the automoton is a good way to be but I've noticed there's not much between automoton and 'fuck this, I want out!'
I think while I can still enjoy a smoke, savour an ale, think analytically about politics and engage others in conversation I'll be okay. Sorry if you've read this far and found yourself depressed, that wasn't the intention. Hey, in truth, I really don't care much. This is just something I had to get out. If you've been here, you'll understand. If you've not, then you haven't a hope and please, don't bother.
